10 tips to support a person with dementia at Christmas

The festive season is a time for families and friends to get together and celebrate, but for people living with dementia Christmas can be challenging. If you want to support someone with dementia at Christmas, and make the best of the season yourself, here are some tips for navigating the festivities.  

1. Plan around the person living with dementia

Dementia symptoms can have a huge impact on a person, often causing changes to their personality and behaviours, as well as impacting how they experience the world around them.

These changes may mean that fitting in with the usual hustle and bustle of Christmas is simply not realistic for them anymore.

Take some time in the run up to Christmas to think logically about what would work for you, your loved one, and how you would like to spend the Christmas season. You might be able to keep some of the traditions you normally have whilst switching out some other things. This way, you’ll avoid being disappointed or angry with things not being the same as they once were.

2. Think ahead

If you are caring for someone with dementia at home, you’ll likely know that spontaneity isn’t often possible.

Having a plan for the day will help you to prepare your loved one for any changes to their regular routine and speak to any family or friends you’ll be spending time with.    

If possible try to:

• Explain plans to the person living with dementia in advance.
• Let everyone know if your family member’s/friend’s dementia has changed since the last time they saw them.
• Speak to the person’s regular carer (if they have one) – you could see what they think about the plans. Ask for support if necessary or even include them in the plans if they’ll be providing care over the Christmas period.

3. Tailor Christmas Day lunch 

For many people, Christmas dinner is the focal point of the day, but for people living with dementia eating can be a challenge.

When planning festive food options for someone with dementia, consider:

• The amount of food. Whether it be due to a smaller appetite or finding large plates of food overwhelming, smaller portions are often more manageable for someone with dementia.
• How food is presented. For some people, recognising food can be difficult, especially if everything is piled onto one plate. Separating different foods can make this easier and less daunting for them.
• Any specific challenges your family member/friend has. For example dysphagia or difficulty chewing.
• Personal preferences. You know your loved one better than anybody else, so don’t overthink things to the point where you’re not including things they love.

Although dementia doesn’t often result in a person requiring a specialist diet, small changes to mealtimes can make eating more manageable for them. However, they may feel embarrassed if they are the only person around the table with these modifications.

If this is the case, you could make small changes to the rest of the dinner so that you’re all eating the same thing – for example, having mash instead of roast potatoes or salmon instead of turkey. If your dining space allows, you could also have each food type separated onto different plates and allow each person to help themselves.

4. Try to stick to routines

Following a routine can be something of a lifeline for people living with dementia, helping them to pinpoint different times of the day and avoid becoming confused or overwhelmed. Whilst Christmas is often a respite from the everyday routine for many people, removing this structure can be detrimental for someone with dementia.

Where you can, try to plan your festivities to mimic a regular day.

For example:

• Serve dinner at the same time as you would normally.
• Have people visit for the same amount of time. You could do a rehearsal for a couple of weeks before Christmas Day (or whenever you have people visiting). This gives your loved one a chance to familiarise themselves with the routine of the day.
• Maintain smaller routines. For example, if you go for a walk at the same time each morning or watch a tv show in the evening, try to incorporate these routines into your day still.

Speaking about the plans for the day will also help. If you’re planning gifts for example, explain beforehand what this is all about and, if it helps, keep giving gentle reminders about what’s coming up.

5. Fill the house with festive smells 

Research has shown that scents can be really beneficial to people living with dementia. Whilst certain aromas have a calming influence, others provoke memories of specific times or experiences in life.

Filling your house with familiar festive smells, such as oranges and cloves, mulled wine, freshly baked mince pies and oven roasted turkey, may trigger happy memories or feelings of nostalgia, even if your loved one can’t recall exactly what they associate the scent with.  

6. Make time for introductions

Spending time with larger groups of people can be overwhelming for people living with dementia, especially if they don’t recognise, or forget the name of, someone they know. To avoid any uncomfortable situations, introduce everyone as they arrive or at the beginning of conversations, or ask other people to introduce themselves. 

Try not to take it for granted that your loved one will instantly recognise family and friends, even if they have seen them recently.

7. Include everyone in conversations

Communicating with someone who is living with dementia can be challenging. However, being excluded from conversations going on is bound to make a person feel dismissed and uneasy.

Your loved one’s ability to communicate will change over time, so you may need to learn new ways to understand how they express themselves as time progresses. 

You’re likely putting these things into practice every day, but where possible, try to:

• Show a positive attitude and body language and speak in a respectful manner.
• Limit distractions to get your loved one’s attention.
• Be patient and listen with all your senses.
• Be reassuring and show affection.
• Distract your loved one and redirect their attention if they become agitated.
• Avoid arguing, even if you think they are mistaken.

8. Be careful with alcohol and stay hydrated

Older people and people living with dementia can forget to drink, lose the sensation of thirst or avoid getting water because it is more difficult for them to physically do so. To prevent this, you could place jugs of water or juice in different rooms to prompt fluid intake. 

You can also buy sweets called Jelly Drops that are specially designed to help older people and people living with dementia stay hydrated. 

Christmas Day drinking with your loved one

Many people enjoy a drink over the festive season, and people living with dementia are no exception.

If your loved one would like an alcoholic drink, consider any medication they are on and how this will mix. Some medications may require no alcohol intake at all whereas others will allow for a small amount. If this is the case, be mindful that you may have to help your loved one to regulate their alcohol consumption, so keep an eye on the refills.

9. Have good lighting in room

At this time of year, candles, twinkling Christmas trees and flashing fairy lights can bring atmosphere to any house. However, for someone living with dementia using the correct lighting is incredibly important. 

Good lighting can help to avoid confusion, reduce the risk of falls, make orientation easier and benefit a person’s overall wellbeing.

Try to make your home well-lit and prevent glare, shadow and reflection where possible.

10. Include reminiscence activities

Reminiscence activities can have a really positive impact on someone with dementia. Although not the case for everyone, many people with the condition are able to draw on memories from earlier on in their lives as opposed to most recent events.

Looking through old photos, memorabilia and playing well-loved Christmas songs or films can help to ignite conversations about Christmas and bring back fond memories whilst also easing any anxiety or stress.

If reminiscing isn’t an option, you could ask your loved one to help you with wrapping presents, hanging baubles on the tree or preparing dinner. These tasks will not only make them feel included but may also help to spark memories of Christmases gone by.

You can also help by closing the curtains in the evening so they can’t see their reflection in the glass.

This Christmas dementia support is available

Just like most Christmases, things may not always go as planned. Dementia can be unpredictable, and while Christmas can be extra stressful for them, it’s also completely normal for a person living with dementia to experience days where their symptoms are worse than others.

Try to take Christmas day as it comes, and ask any guests to do the same. You could have a quiet space reserved if you find your loved one becoming agitated or upset, such as a bedroom or an extra living space.

But also remember that it’s just a day – if things don’t go as planned, you could rearrange the festivities for another day when spirits are higher.

Holidays and big events, such as Christmas, can bring to light how difficult it is to care for, and love, a person living with dementia. If you’re feeling overwhelmed, you’re not alone. There is plenty of help and support available.

During the Christmas period, Alzheimer’s Society usually expects to receive over 1,500 phone calls to their dementia support line, with calls increasing just after Christmas.

The dementia support line offers compassionate advice and support for people who are struggling with dementia themselves or are caring for a loved one with the condition.

Alzheimer’s Society Dementia Support Line – 0333 150 3456

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If you’re caring for a loved one with dementia and are looking for extra support, home care could be a great option. You can read this article to find out about home care for people with dementia.