Can you force someone to get help with their mental health?

Mental health issues can affect not just the person with them but those around them too. Witnessing a loved one struggle with their mental health can be upsetting, but if they refuse help it can become exhausting and even infuriating. Nobody wants to see someone they love suffer, nor do they want to suffer in turn as the mental health issue continues.The question of whether you can force someone to get help with their mental health is more commonly asked than you might think.

In the UK, unless somebody is eligible for sectioning or under the age of 18, they cannot be forced to undergo treatment. This can be difficult for family and friends, particularly if the mental health problem has been worsening for years, but individual freedom prevails.

It’s also worth noting that even if you manage to force someone into having mental health treatment, you can’t force them to cooperate or take an active role in their recovery. They have to be ready and willing.

If you have a loved one who is refusing to get help, you may feel powerless, but there are things you can do to help them feel ready.

Sectioning

Sectioning is when somebody is lawfully detained in hospital or a mental health facility under the Mental Health Act 1983. Someone can only be sectioned if they meet certain criteria, these are:

• Their mental health problem is so severe that they need urgent assessment and treatment.
• They are a danger to themselves or others due to their mental health.

Getting someone sectioned is an extreme measure and it takes three mental health professionals to assess if it’s necessary. Examples of meeting the criteria might be that your loved one has attempted suicide, is hearing voices that tell them to harm others or has starved themselves to a point where their body isn’t functioning properly and they are at serious risk of a heart attack.

Can you force someone to get help with their mental health? – Video

Encouraging people with mental health issues to seek help

You must always be patient with people about their mental health and recognise that it is an illness, however frustrating or upsetting their behaviours may be.

Many people may say things like “I wouldn’t stand for that”, but until they have lived in your situation they cannot understand what it’s like. Screaming and shouting at your loved one will only make them stressed, which in turn can worsen their thoughts or behaviours. Patience and understanding are key.

Put yourself in their shoes

Take some time to think about how your loved one’s mental health issue affects them and what it’s like to live with it. For example, if they have OCD, it may seem ridiculous to you that they won’t touch things for fear of germs, but imagine how suffocating it must be to live with that fear. Remember that however difficult this is for you, it is far more difficult for them.

Learn what triggers their behaviours and adapt. There is a difference between supporting or indulging their behaviours and making an effort to show that you understand. If they need to count to ten before they enter a room then let them get on with it. If you criticise them for it then the compulsion will still be there, along with added stress that may make things worse.

If you know they struggle with food, don’t try to push, guilt or criticise them into eating ‘properly’. This will feed nothing but their fears. Helping them to expand their safe foods list or slowly changing quantities would be far more effective.

The internet is a great resource for understanding why they feel the way they do. You could visit websites about their condition to learn more about it. Watch videos by people who have had the same condition and recovered. Knowing you understand and are on their side can really help your loved one have the confidence to seek help.

Mental health resources

Videos

There are plenty of videos online that give great explanations of various topics to do with mental health. A few brilliant YouTube channels that you could explore are:

• Mind
• Psych2Go
• TedEd

Advice

There’s a plethora of fantastic information and advice out there, some of the best include:

• Mind’s A-Z of mental health
• Eating disorder charity Beat provides excellent resources, including:
  • A leaflet giving advice on how to talk to a loved one about their eating disorder.
  • Developing Dolphins – free online training for people who care for someone with anorexia or bulimia.
• Beating Addiction’s advice on supporting somebody with an addiction.

Talk to them

Having a sit-down conversation with your loved one, or even an intervention, may be the best way forward. This is dependent on the individual though, and they may feel embarrassed or even attacked if you do this. If they are in denial about their problem, despite you telling them about your concerns for their mental health, this approach could do more harm than good.

If you need to take a more subtle approach, time and kindness are essential. A slow and steady approach, with short chats dropped in here and there, can give them time to reflect on what you have said.

They need to know that you don’t blame or judge them for having a mental health problem. It is just something that’s happened to them, as illnesses do.

Be honest about how it affects you

While your loved one’s health and quality of life should be paramount in your quest to get them help, they may not realise how their issues affect those around them. Mental health conditions can be all consuming for the person. They might believe it’s their problem alone. This attitude can make you feel like you’re less important to them than their fears or compulsions.

Be completely honest with them about how their condition affects you. Be fair, for example saying they embarrass you would be awful, but saying you miss doing the things you used to do together is very justified. This isn’t a blame game. One open conversation could make all the difference and give them perspective of the magnitude of the situation.

How to manage if they still refuse to seek help

For individual reasons, some people will never seek (or really engage with) help for their mental health problems. If this is the case, it’s wise to look after yourself. If you can continue to live with their condition and manage your interaction with it in a healthy way then fantastic. But sometimes it is in your best interest to distance yourself from it. Whether that’s by not talking to them about the problem anymore, getting support yourself with how to live with it or even ending a romantic relationship.

Every person with a mental health condition is individual. As is how they experience it and as is your relationship with them. If you’ve tried everything in your power to help them and they still refuse, it may be time to stop trying and accept the situation.

Set boundaries

Boundaries are a way to protect your mental wellbeing and, often, your relationship with somebody. They are about separating your feelings from another person’s.

Anybody can set boundaries. It doesn’t need to be related to somebody with mental health issues. For example, if you and a good friend have very different political views that you’re never going to agree on, you could instead agree not to discuss certain topics that always end in arguments and upset.

Setting a few clear boundaries with a person who is refusing help with their mental health can be beneficial to you both. While it’s important to empathise with their feelings, you shouldn’t be brought into that and made to feel the same way, even if they don’t mean to make you feel like that.

Any boundaries you set should be clear and consistent.

Boundaries you can both agree on

• Having certain topics of conversation that you don’t discuss. This could be because the topics are too upsetting to one or both of you. Or because they are circular, cause arguments and never result in anything positive.
• Respecting each other’s way of doing things.
  • For example, somebody living with OCD might want you to wash your hands as much as they do. A healthy boundary would be you not trying to get them to wash their hands less and them, in turn, not trying to get you to wash your hands more.
  • Another example might be if somebody who has issues around food comments on what you eat all the time, a boundary would be agreeing that neither of you comment on each other’s eating habits.
• Respecting each other’s feelings and acknowledging that they are valid, even if you don’t think they’re justified or don’t understand why they feel like that.
• Agreeing to help them emotionally but making it clear you won’t support their actions. For example, if they have alcohol misuse issues, you could agree to support them in multiple ways but be clear that you are not going to supply alcohol for them.
   

If you are providing care and struggling to cope

If you are regularly supporting someone with a mental health issue, you could be considered their carer. This is a big responsibility and the stress can lead to carer burnout. Particularly if the person you care for won’t consider or cooperate with treatment.

There is support available for carers. Remember that looking after your own mental health is important too. It’s also essential in order to provide effective support to someone else. 

If you are struggling, you could:

Have a Carer’s Assessment

You might be eligible for financial, practical or emotional support with life as a carer.

Find out more about Carer’s Assessments.

See what carer support there is in your local area

You can find groups and support in your local area by speaking to Carers UK. You can also speak to them for advice on coping with being a carer.

Email: comms@carersuk.org

Telephone:

• England: 020 7378 4999
• Scotland: 0141 445 3070
• Wales: 029 2081 1370
• Northern Ireland: 02890 439 843

You can also use their search feature.

Helplines

Most helplines for people with mental health concerns are more than happy to support friends and families too. Here are just a few.

SANEline	0300 304 7000
Samaritans	116 123	jo@samaritans.org
Rethink Mental Illness	0300 5000 927
YoungMinds (parent helpline)	0808 802 5544
Mind	0300 123 3393	info@mind.org.uk
Beat (eating disorder charity)	England: 0808 801 6770 Scotland: 0808 801 0432 Wales: 0808 801 0433 Northern Ireland: 0808 801 0434
Al-Anon: Support if you are affected by someone else’s alcoholism	0800 0086 811	helpline@al-anon.org.uk