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Caring for a loved one can be rewarding, challenging and everything in between. Many people have to adapt to caring full-time, but what about when these duties end? Whether the person in need of care has moved into residential care or they’ve sadly died, suddenly not being a carer can be a huge and difficult change for the person or people who doted on them for so long.
Everyone’s journey is different but if you are in a position like this, it’s a good idea to take some time to address your emotions and to think about the next step in your life.
Emotional impact of life after caring
You may have been so focused on your loved one’s needs and emotions for such a long time that you aren’t sure how to address your own. At this time, you may be dealing with grief, guilt and a lack of purpose.
Take time to get in touch with how you feel
Your feelings might be complex and confusing, for example you may be feeling relieved if your loved one has gone into residential care, but guilt for feeling that relief.
Make the most of having more time to yourself to make sense of how you feel. You may find writing or other creative pursuits help you to do this. You might be inclined to put on a brave face for the sake of others but this is unlikely to help you. It’s important to allow yourself to grieve or feel whatever you are feeling in order to begin to recover and now of all times, you can put your own wellbeing first.
Get support
Asking others for help may feel like an alien concept if you’re used to being the carer, but don’t feel guilty about asking for or accepting support from family and friends. It’s particularly important to interact socially if your main company was the person you cared for.
You may benefit from counselling, which you can seek privately or sometimes through your GP.
Try to connect people who understand first-hand what you are going through. This could be families of other residents at your loved one’s care home, through bereavement groups or in online forums for carers.
Time for yourself
As important as it is to allow yourself to receive support from others, it’s also good to take time out for yourself. Particularly in the early days, you may feel overwhelmed and need time alone to relax and process your thoughts.
Being a carer can leave you with little time for yourself, so it may be strange to suddenly be able to do things you previously couldn’t. It’s not selfish to make the most of this, and doing things that are just for you, such as hobbies or going on holiday, is great for your wellbeing.
While you may be relived to be free of your previous caring routine, implementing structure into your life can help you to manage your emotions and to begin forging a new life after caring.
Dealing with loneliness
It can take a long time to adjust to somebody not being around or part of your everyday life anymore, particularly if the two of you lived alone together.
Being a carer can also be isolating and lonely, so think about new social opportunities that are now open to you. Seeing friends and finding local groups can help with loneliness enormously, and there are helplines for people struggling.
You may also find it helpful to make bigger plans for your future, such as moving into a retirement village or care home yourself.
Continuing to help others
Just because you are no longer caring for a particular loved one, it doesn’t mean you have to stop caring for others. If you have a lot more to give, or find that you enjoy caring and would like to continue for your own wellbeing, there are plenty of volunteering options available to you.
You may have particular experience and skills that you could use to support others, such as other people with the same difficulties that your loved one had/has and their carers. Additional skills you have could also be transferable to helping others, such as talents in art, music, gardening or simply listening.
Types of volunteering you could get involved in include:
- Companionship and support to vulnerable people by phone and in person
- Driving people to appointments, on errands or to social events
- Volunteering in hospitals, care homes and hospices
- Working with animals and animal rescue
- Community projects and environmental preservation
Helplines and support groups for life after being a carer
Carers UK
- England: 020 7378 4999
- Wales: 029 2081 1370
- Scotland: 0141 445 3070
- Northern Ireland: 02890 439 843
Cruse Bereavement Care
Help from trained bereavement counsellors and information about joining support groups for bereaved people.
Helpline: 0808 808 1677
Email: helpline@cruse.org.uk
Age UK
Telephone: 0800 678 1602
Silver Line
24-hour support for older people
Telephone: 0800 4 70 80 90
Scope
Support for parents of disabled children
Helpline: 0808 800 3333
Email: helpline@scope.org.uk
