Sex and intimacy tips for partners of those with dementia

The charity Dementia UK has said there is ‘so much stigma’ surrounding dementia and sex and has spoken out about a need to ‘shake off the taboo’ for the sake of those living with dementia.

Dementia UK has created a leaflet on sex and intimacy for couples living with dementia to help address the changes that can occur in people’s relationships and their desire for sex and intimacy.

The charity provides dementia support for families through Admiral Nurses. These specialist dementia nurses give one-to-one support and practical solutions to those with dementia and their families. The charity makes the point that intimacy ‘can take many forms’ which can be explored. These include sex, touch, massage, kissing, cuddling or simply spending time talking together.

Dr Hilda Hayo, chief executive and chief admiral nurse at Dementia UK, says: “There is so much stigma attached to dementia and intimacy. It’s important to remember however that intimacy can take many forms, whether that includes sex or even just being together, showing tenderness through touch, kindness or sharing a laugh together.

“Whilst dementia can result in a change in relationships, couples can still be intimate and find new ways of being close to one another.”

The charity's leaflet also raises the issue of consensual sex and intimacy. It states: ‘It is important to remember that having dementia does not have to mean the end of an intimate relationship.

‘It is important that consent is given prior to any sexual activity taking place. Consent can take many forms and may be nonverbal, for example if the person living with dementia responds positively with obvious enjoyment when their partner makes sexual advances, then there is every reason to believe that the partner with dementia is consenting to have sex.’

The charity advises: ‘Alternatively, if their level of response, enjoyment or willingness diminishes then this could be an indication that there is no consent to sex and this should be respected.

Dementia can also heighten sexual desire

‘As a person’s dementia progresses, it may reduce their ability to consent to sexual activity’ but the leaflet states: ‘Dementia can also heighten sexual desire’. This can cause conflict between couples, particularly if their partner ‘does not want to participate in sexual activity’.

Dr Hayo adds: “Dementia UK wants everyone living with dementia to have the best possible quality of life."

Tips for exploring intimacy and sex with a person with dementia include:

• Talk about relationship changes with an Admiral Nurse, GP or trusted friend.

• Try different ways of being intimate, such as massaging or cuddling.

• Consent can fluctuate and just because someone with dementia has consented on one occasion, does not mean that they will consent to the next.

• Respect your partner’s decision if they are less interested in sex and/or intimacy.

For questions about dementia and intimacy, call the Admiral Nurse Dementia Helpline on 0800 888 6678 or email: helpline@dementiauk.org.

To read or download the leaflet, visit the Dementia UK website.