Charity helps elderly escape 'unbearable reality' of chronic loneliness

While we may all sometimes feel lonely, chronic loneliness can be difficult to escape, particularly for 95-year-old Dilys.

She is one of 150 lonely, older people receiving “life-saving” companionship from a volunteer at b:Friend, a charity based in Doncaster.

It was set up by Mike Niles in January 2017, after he became “disillusioned with London life” while working as a journalist. The 32-year-old said: “At the start I was so excited and convinced city life was right for me but after a while I started to feel isolated. I had friends and colleagues, but London can feel like the loneliest place in the world – no matter how old you are.”

’We just have a laugh and put the world to rights’

He continued: “I looked for ways to meet new people and began volunteering for a charity called North London Cares. I got paired with 73-year-old Mitsi who lived not too far from me in Haringey, and for the next five years I would pop-in after work for a cuppa and a chat. We built a fantastic friendship - one that kept me grounded and helped me through tricky times while living in the fast-paced city.”

Six years on, the pair still speak regularly and often go for lunch and a catch-up. He added: “Our 40-year age gap is irrelevant really. We just have a laugh and put the world to rights.”

It was the 16 June, the day Jo Cox MP was murdered, that things began to change for Mr Niles.

He explained: “I remember sitting at my desk with an overwhelming feeling of helplessness and confusion. I knew I wanted to do something more community focused, back in Yorkshire, back in a safe space. The following Monday morning I handed in my notice at work with absolutely no idea what I would do next.

’It was clear this wasn’t going to be a small project’

“After some downtime, I started to look into things I was passionate about,” he continued. “It didn’t take long to research local support for older people in my home-town of Doncaster. Mainly because there wasn’t much support at all. There was no befriending similar to the one I’d done in London with North London Cares.

“I met with key staff working with older people who all said the same: it’s a gap and it desperately needs filling. But I had no credentials: no experience in health or social care, never worked with the elderly and no idea where to begin. So it started small. I moved back in with my parents to the bedroom I had until I was 18, made a makeshift office in their garage and set to work.”

’We’re facing it one cuppa at a time’

The aim was simple. To identify isolated elderly people and find someone that lives nearby to visit them once a week.

“Within a few weeks it was clear this wasn’t going to be a small project,” he said. “Through social media, people across the community applied to volunteer. People of all ages and professions, some with a young family and others just retiring. They realised there was a disconnect in their community and saw the value in supporting their older neighbours.”

For the next 18 months, Mr Niles’ sole purpose was to socially engage the isolated.

He said: “I was a volunteer, unpaid, skint and working hours I didn’t know existed. I was lucky to have a roof over my head, no bills to pay and support from friends and family, without all of which it would have been impossible.”

Older people have so much to give

Upon starting the charity, he was straight to work, receiving referrals from social services and GPs for older people that would benefit from a visitor. And within 11 months, he received more than 200 applications from local people wanting to become volunteers.

Today, the charity supports around 150 older neighbours each week. It has made 70 befriending pairings and last year alone clocked 2,930 hours of volunteer contact time with isolated older neighbours – equal to 5,860 episodes of Coronation Street.

Mr Niles added: “This project owes all success to the belief and passion of the volunteers: people who just decided they wanted to actually tackle this issue of loneliness we face and volunteer an hour of their time to visit an older person who wouldn't see or speak to another person for days or weeks at a time.

“We have many people tell us that being part of the charity, through one-to-one befriending and/or the social clubs, has saved them from a previously unbearable reality.”

’Having the support means the world to me’

After Kath’s husband died last year, she saw no one at all. The charity has, as she calls it, “saved her life”.

“My family would visit when they could but it would only be for a short time because they’re busy with their own lives,” the 72-year-old said. “Nicola (befriender) is marvellous. She does so much to support me and we get along really well.

“Having the support means the world to me. Although I still have bad days, at least I know I’m not on my own anymore."

’A little time with them goes a long way’

Sadly, half of all people aged 75 and over live alone, and one in 10 people aged 65 or over say they are always, or often feel lonely. With no one to talk to, over half of these people rely on the television for company.

Mr Niles explained: “We can't be compared to the amazing NHS staff that actually save lives - we're just trying to make the day-to-day a bit more connected to the amazing people and places we call home. “Older people have so much to give – and a little time with them goes a long way.

“Can you imagine not speaking to another person all week? Somewhere nearby, someone could do with a cup of tea and a chat.”

b:Friend volunteers visit the elderly once a week for tea and biscuits and also take their friends out for local trips. In addition to this, group sessions are held every week where older people can come together for afternoon tea, dancing sessions, talks and workshops.

In December last year, the charity received £241,000 of National Lottery funding. For more information about b:Friend, or to donate, visit: letsbfriend.org.uk