Couple with dementia still hold hands and 'wouldn't cope apart'

A couple in their nineties, who both receive live-in care, are still smitten with each other and “wouldn’t be able to cope if they were apart”.

Marie, aged 96, and her husband Ron, 97, are still very much in love, according to their son Nick Murray, who says: “They would be very upset if they were separated. I don’t think they would cope if they were apart from each other. They wouldn’t be able to understand why they weren’t together. That is why we have live-in care for them, so they can stay together in a familiar environment.”

The pair have never been apart, except seven years ago when Marie had a fall and Ron visited her in hospital every other day.

The couple who live in Redcar and are currently cared for by a team of home care workers from Caremark Redcar & Cleveland, met during the war in 1943. They first set eyes on each other at a dance in Middlesbrough and carried on their relationship through the war.

Marie was training to be an English teacher and Ron was in the RAF working as an aircraft electrician on Spitfires, Hurricanes and Lancaster bombers.

In 1948, worried that Marie’s mum would disapprove of them marrying, Marie crept out of her house and she and Ron went to the registry office and got married.

Now 71 years later, they have three children, five grandchildren and three great grandchildren.

Spending time with the family has always been very important to them, explains Nick. “When we were kids, mum and dad used to take us all on weekly trips to the North York Moors with a picnic. They also really enjoyed doing the garden together and visiting garden centres.”

His mum was the organiser in the family, who paid the bills and booked the holidays whereas his dad liked to tell ‘dad’ jokes.

Marie and Ron were diagnosed with Alzheimer’s in 2013. It was a shock for their son Nick, however he says: “Getting an early diagnosis for Alzheimer’s has made a huge difference. The medication slows down the effects of the disease and their mental decline. If people have concerns about a relative or friend I would definitely recommend they seek medical advice as early as possible.”

Jayne Williams from Caremark, has been providing live-in care since their diagnoses. She says: “I sometimes take them to one of the local ice cream parlours and we walk along the sea front. They also really enjoy going to the park to look at the flowers. They love to talk about the past.”

“Marie has a really good laugh, Ron is quieter. They sleep in separate beds in the same room and they always wave to each other when they go to bed at night. They give each other kisses and they still hold hands when they sit next to each other. They will often have a laugh together. They are quite jolly people and Marie still says Ron is handsome.”

“Marie, is bed bound and I have to wash and dress her and prompt her to eat and drink. She loves jam sandwiches. She would eat them every day if she could.

“Ron is more mobile and isn’t as chatty as Marie. He likes to potter about and look out of the window at his garden.

“I love working with them. I am a consistent person in their lives.”

Their son Nick has found the live-in package has made a huge transformation to everyone’s life. “Before the package, myself and my sister covered various times of the day and we had carers coming in as well, but it was very difficult to manage,” he says.

“They have just celebrated their 71st wedding anniversary. They got a card from the Queen which we have put in a frame. We celebrated with cake, the family came over and my mum kept telling us the story of how they eloped to the registry office.”

Marie and Ron have always had a good relationship, according to their son, who adds: “Of course they have argued now and then but they were only ever disagreements over things like my dad taking too long in the bathroom. But despite their illness they have both retained their great sense of humour, which is why I think they are still together after all these years.”

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