Elder LGBT+ abuse: 'I'd get hit' and he'd return 'begging me to take him back'

A new film designed to shine a spotlight on domestic abuse among older LGBT+ people has been created to coincide with World Elder Abuse Awareness Day.

The six-minute film ‘Do you see me?’ shows two men and two women talking about their experiences of domestic abuse in same-sex relationships including emotional, physical, verbal, and sexual violence.

“I’d never actually had a proper relationship with anyone before”, says one man.

But when he finally met someone, he says: ‘For the first six months before I moved in with him, he didn’t actually hit me but he would be really offensive and be really verbally abusive to me.”

Another man confided: “I’d get hit. And I’d get really upset.” And a few days later, the man’s partner would return “begging me to take him back”.

A bisexual woman also tells her story of how she was forced to have sex with her male partner after he discovered she was leaving him to be in a same-sex relationship.

‘Being of a certain age, you are more invisible’

Do You See Me from Christian Gordine on Vimeo.

According to the Office for National Statistics (ONS), bisexual women were almost twice as likely to have experienced partner abuse than heterosexual women.

A domestic abuse survivor in the film describes how their partner would try to isolate them from friends and family – a common strategy used by abusers. “Being of a certain age, you are more invisible. You’re dismissed,” says one of the women.

The World Elder Abuse Awareness Day (WEAAD) was officially recognized by the United Nations General Assembly in December 2011. It represents one day in the year when the world voices its opposition to the abuse and suffering inflicted on older generations.

Elder abuse can be defined as 'a single, or repeated act, or lack of appropriate action, occurring within any relationship where there is an expectation of trust which causes harm or distress to an older person'.

It is described by the UN as a global social issue which affects the health and human rights of millions of older people around the world.

The UN says that in many parts of the world, elder abuse occurs with little recognition or response. Until recently, it was hidden from public view and considered mostly a private matter. Even today, the UN says elder abuse continues to be a taboo, mostly underestimated and ignored by societies across the world.

The film’s director Christian Gordine spent a year and a half meeting survivors of LGBT+ abuse throughout England and Wales to make the film.

“Domestic abuse is already hidden”, an accompanying statement to Christian Gordine’s film stated.

“However, when those at the hands of abuse are older, they are often ignored.

"And when those older victims identify as LGBT+, they become invisible.”